|||||Hikaru Utada - Simple And Clean||]|
I think part of what I've been struggling with of late is what to do next. As you grow up, you have clear goals. Structured education, move from grade to grade, get good grades as you do so so you can get into a good college and maybe get a scholarship, etc. Once you're in college, do something useful and do well so you can get a good job. All very clearly setting you up for the next stage of your life.
Ok, so now I'm there. I have a good job, one that is stable and I plan to stay with for the foreseeable future. I'm planning on retiring from this job at some point. Retirement age is 57. I'm 26. So I've got the core of my life planned out for the next 31 years--longer than I've lived so far. It's hard to wrap your mind around at times, really.
So, now what?
That's the question I keep running into. Ok. Is this it? What's the point?
I had two fairly broad life goals that I was sure of. I wanted to get a good, solid job that I enjoyed and that I felt useful in. Check. I wanted to find someone I loved who loved me to share life with. Check.
Ok, so now what?
I mean, children is another that I suppose is on my list. I would like to have children. But we're not ready for children yet, so that's on hold. I'd like to get our own house, but that's just a matter of having a good job and then dealing with the financing, and right now it makes more sense to stay where we are and hold off on the house. Another thing that I've done what I can to get ready for it, but need to wait.
So what's the purpose of life? What other things should I work to as a result? I suppose this is the point where I should find Jesus, but I just can't believe in religion. I'm struggling to find the point to life, I suppose, but I just can't believe in that particular greater purpose.
I was talking to my mom about it some last night, and she was saying that she's been thinking some similar things of late. My brother is about to graduate and go off to college, so she and my dad will have a lot more free time to fill. She said her philosophy was just to make a positive impact on others' lives. Simple, and yet not, she said. I guess it makes sense, in fact it's the "answer" I keep coming up with, too. But I think part of the reason it feels so empty to me right now is that ... family is important to me. I want to make a positive impact on my children's lives first, then worry about others, make sure I have time for them before I commit myself to others. But we're not ready for children yet, so I'm in a bit of limbo while I wait.
I don't know, maybe I'll go back to grad school or something. Could take night classes to work on that. I don't really know what I want to do now. I have the option of getting involved with project management stuff at work, maybe I'll start leaning more in that direction, take some business classes or something. I don't know.
I believe strongly in public service. I think that's one of the core reasons I'm in favor of Obama. I can see both sides of a lot of the issues, but one of the things Obama has said that really rings true with me is the idea of encouraging more public service and encouraging people to get more involved with the government and the community. I'm interested to see what he comes out with if he's elected, and hopeful that it'll be a worthwhile cause that I can invest in and sink into.
... I don't know, that's really all I have to say on it. Sorry, no answers really from me. I've been chasing this around for... a while, honestly. I'm generally content and just enjoy what I have, but sometimes I just feel very listless and unhappy.
What do you guys think about this stuff? What do you want out of life? Are you getting it?